I AM ALIVE, I PROMISE.

oh hi! remember me? i sure hope so. i promise i'm alive and kickin. even though i literally heard crickets when i opened my blog up today. my sincere apologies. i have been quite the busy bee lately with both work + play. let's recap, shall we? i went to NYC, home twice, a bachelorette party in LA and another in Mexico on a cruise ship, 1 wedding, lots of soccer games, a visit from mom + brother, organized my life, caught up on work, got back in the gym, read a few (amazing) books, laughed a lot, cried a lot, celebrated my dad's 2 year anniversary, and realized how truly grateful i am for the life i was given and the people that are in it (more on that soon). i hope you didn't delete my blog in the last month knowing and trusting i would be back, one day. so here i am........ lots of fun stuff coming your way so hold tight....

and ps. the emails, texts, phone calls, etc. etc. regarding my last post meant the world to me. i truly am a lucky soul.

pss. i have also been oober obsessed with pinterest (what's new?) so if you wanna follow me, you can find me here.

{photo source: designlovefest blog via pinterest}

2 years.

to my dear readers. i do realize i have been absent for quite a while... and to be honest i needed it. every time i sat down to write i would start crying. i know that when you lose someone you love more than every part of your being you will have good days, and bad. lately, they have been bad. you can never control your emotions and i needed to feel them over the last few weeks. i am not sure if it's been hitting me harder lately, or that every year on this day my heart just automatically breaks all over again, or maybe even if that i am just really truly realizing the impact of him being gone. whatever it is, it's been tough on my heart. On August 9, 2009 i had the worst day of my life. 2 years ago we all lost someone that made this place better, brighter, funnier, more loving, more everything. my dad died. even typing that still has a little shock value in the words. i know i will find my way. i know i have been finding it and on occasion and needed to have moments where i am not okay. i know i will move through days, one by one - in shock, in despair, but i will be moving. in one of my favorite books it says, "the days pass, one after the other, and you go along with them - occasionally stunned, and not entirely relieved, to find that you are still alive." i am alive. i am just like any of grieving person... i will have good days and bad and most days i won't know why, but i just need to let myself be. and that's what i have been doing.

two years ago today, my dad died. and yes, i am still and will forever be heart broken but i know i will be moving. he would want that. i want that.

i know some of you have read or if you were at my dad's funeral even heard this but i wanted to share it with some of you today. you see, we threw my dad a surprise 60th birthday party 2 months before his heart stopped. i got to read most of the below to him on that day. and i had his brother read a little different version at his funeral. it reads....

About 2 months ago we threw my dad a surprise 60^th birthday party in celebration of his life. He was so surprised and overwhelmed by the amount of people and love that was there that night. The next day he had written me an email saying how it was the best night of his life and how his candle is only going to burn brighter. He also happened to set his own expiration date for 2036. For my dad, that meant he had a heck of a time at his party, and that he knew he would be drinking his gifted wine for quite some time after. Which he was thrilled about none the less. As you could imagine.

I couldn’t find the words to say today because I think everyone in this room knows exactly how I feel about my father. And how deeply sad my family is by this tragedy.

So, I printed out some of what I had said in my speech 2 months ago where I am so happy he got a chance to hear it.

"Dad, you are my very best friend. You are the most amazing father any girl could ask for. Your sense of humor, and your passion for life, has made me strive to be better. I look up to you in so many different ways, and I love you more and more each day.

You have been my rock and my guidance through everything and I can’t thank you enough for supporting me in everything I do. You have always loved me unconditionally even when I made mistakes.

My favorite memories of you of is when I would come home to a noisy house thinking we were throwing a party of some sort, when in reality it was just you rocking out to Elvis Presley on the karaoke machine, with your head set on, all by yourself, when no one else was home.

Or the nights when I was in college and you would tell me & my friends to wake you up when we returned from the bars, eager to cook us the perfect filet when we got back. I have to tell everyone that when we would come back from being out, we’d wake him up, with one eye open and still half asleep he would say is “are we ready to do this or what” … it still gets me every time.

Dad, hands down, you are the greatest man I have ever known. And I promise I am not just saying that because I want to live with you and mom forever– rent free of course. But because you truly are one in a million."

Every person that meets you is instantly drawn to you. Every gathering we go to, you are always the life of the party and have the best stories to tell because you are the big fish. Your love for people is unconditional and infectious. People are better because they know you. I am better for knowing you. You are the love of my life, the light of my everyday existence, and this world will never be the same.

If there’s one thing I do know for sure is that I loved you more than life itself. All I want to do is hug you and tell you how much I love you and how thankful I am that I had you as my dad. There was no bigger bond then the one we shared. And I love you for that. I love you for the way you loved mom and lit up every time you talked about her, or the way you were so proud of Dre and how he turned into such a great man. I love you for telling me every morning in the kitchen before work how much you love me and were so happy to have me home. I’m so glad I got to hug you everyday and tell you how great you were. I know you know how great you were too, because you would always say “I’m kind of a big deal” which always made me laugh, because I knew it really was true. I just want you to tell me it’s going to be okay. Because you would be the one that normally would do so, or say some silly inappropriate joke that would make everything better.

I know you are up there making people laugh, drinking a fine glass of wine, and cooking for god in the heavens. I don’t think they knew what was coming. But how lucky are they to have you.

We miss you so much here but we know you’re always with us in our hearts. And will never forget all the beautiful memories you made for us.

We love you Dad, and if there was one thing you would say right now to everyone is, “there better be some good food at the after party.”

*thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for being there for us in this journey. there is simply not enough words to show my gratitude to you all. every second of every day i think of him, and try my best to live the life he had made possible for me. for my dear readers, my close friends, and especially my beautiful family... i thank you for being there for me. everyday is hard, but especially this day. thank you truly.

BACHELORETTE WEEKEND.

last weekend we celebrated ms. karlie's recent engagement...

dancing.

drinks.

laughs.

pool party.

good food.

good company.

great stories.

perfect villa on sunset blvd.

many many memories!

so excited for karlie + josh...

congrats to you both!!

FUN ADVICE.

I got an email a few weeks back from a good friend (Jill, you rock!) and i just had to share it with all of you! the email had a link to an article with advice from a wise 30-something to you lucky 20-somethings. it's long, but oh so worth it. trust me.

come, let me be your sherpa.....

1. Don't be afraid of making mistakes.

2. But when you make them, own them. This means apologizing to whomever you offended/puked on/ditched/stalked/tagged in unflattering photos on Facebook.

3. Don't be afraid to incur some debt to go after your dream. To expand on this: taking out loans for grad school, putting your savings into making a movie, traveling around the country while you write that Great American novel-now's the time to do it. Of course, running up $24,935.28 on a buffet of credit cards just to support your "artistic lifestyle" (read: Ketel One, Barney's Co-Op and too many Pastis brunches) so you don't have to get a job or produce any actual work is a little more frowned upon.

4. Stay in touch with your high school friends. The older you get, the more you'll want to stay friends with people who knew, not only the awkward, nerdy you, but where you're from.

5. Be proud of where you're from. It's part of what made you who you are today, regardless of the situation you escaped.

6. Be proud of who you're from regardless of the situation you escaped.

7. Siblings can be troubling at times, but if you're lucky, they will be there your entire life. Treasure them.

8. A word about sunscreen: Yes. Wear it. Every day. Even if it's cloudy.

9. A similar word about eye cream: Yes. Wear it. Every night.

10. One word about Botox: No.

11. I hate to break it to you, but as your twenties progress, the way your body handles food and alcohol changes. And by changes, I mean becomes a bastard who hoards sugar, dairy and booze in cute little saddlebags in the upper thigh and muffin top regions.

12. While I'm breaking it to you: hangovers get much, much worse as you get closer to 30. Brace yo'self.

13. Go to your high school reunion. Blah blah, you hated those losers/that town/your ceramics teacher/that time of your life. And you are much more fabulous now. Right? Great. Now go show it off.

14.You're going to be attending a lot of weddings in your 20s. A LOT. A few tips of the trade:
a. Eat before you go (the food is usually terrible and/or hours away and you'll be getting hammered. Put a base layer down).
b. Do not ask ANYONE you have been dating for less than 3 months to be your date for a wedding more than 3 months away. ESPECIALLY a destination wedding. Recipe for disaster.
c. If you are in the wedding, do NOT hook up with any groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner/shower/bachelor(ette) weekend. Save it for the wedding night, ladies. Just like you were taught.
d. As a bridesmaid, you will be forced at one point to wear a watermelon-colored potato sack as a dress. Grin and bear it gracefully.
e. Try to not get caught doing illegal drugs (surely an attempt to forget about the sack you're wearing) in the bathroom by the Father of the Bride.

15. Accept that your 20s is the time when your friends (and of course, you) are going to be changing at warp speed. Some will get married, some will have babies, some will move away, some will succeed in their jobs, some will fail, and some will get really, really famous. Be happy for everyone (or sympathetic if things go poorly). But, be supportive –- your time is coming and one day you'll need that support too.

16. That being said, know that sometimes the changes will be too much for certain friendships to survive. And this just happens. People drift/splinter apart and that's just life.

17. Don't be afraid to clean out the friendship closet yourself, either. If you find yourself dreading hanging out with certain people, or feel small/ashamed around them, or not good enough, then end it. End the friendship. No one needs that, especially not a fabulous 20something like yourself.

18. Date everyone.

19. To clarify #18, date everyone within reason. This is the time to meet/date/makeout with/spoon/fork a bunch of different people. The world is completely open to you and the choices are limitless. Try to date people who are different from your normal "type."

20. Speaking of "types," get over having one. Your type is human. Date them.

21.This one is tricky: in relationships, be open to everything, but don't throw everything into the other person's boat too soon. Keep one foot on the dock.

22. Oh, what am I talking about? You're a 20-something. It's impossible to not set sail.

23. Just remember where your harbor is. (Nautical metaphors will stop now.)

24. Sex in public places is encouraged, as long as you don't get caught/stuck/injured.

25. Sex with your boyfriend's friends is not encouraged.

26. Likewise RE: sex with your friend's boyfriend.

27. If someone you're dating makes you feel ashamed to be yourself, dump them immediately.

28. Believe in true love. It exists. It just takes a lot of searching to find it.

29. Don't settle for anything (or anyone) less. *(this was my favorite)

30. Don't be afraid of getting older and leaving your twenties behind. One day, on the eve of your 30th birthday, you'll look back at the crazy, horrifying, giddy, exciting, sprawling mess that was your twenties and smile. You'll smile because of all you've learned, how far you've come and the fact that life is still exciting. Maybe even a little more exciting than before. Because you've got your wild, exuberant, sparkling thirties in front of you.

And that, my friend, is when shit gets real.

SUMMER LOVIN.

CATCHING UP.

yesterday i returned from a 3 day mini vacation in SD for the 4th of july with some friends. i had 400 + emails waiting in my inbox to sort, so the roommates and i made tri tip on the BBQ and caught up on our weekend while i sorted emails. it's going to be a long week but worth every day i spent at the beach soaking up the sun. i am making plans to not make plans this entire week so i can catch up on life, work, and detox mode (starting today of course, hence the much needed last glass of wine).

enjoy your wednesday everyone!!

BRAIN DUMP {mah-jor}

-I attended the LA Pinterest meet up last week. let's just say i am more obsessed then before (if it was possible) and we got to meet Ben the founder along with some of my favorite bloggers i love! lots of fun new ideas they are coming out with.... eeeeek. excited.

- i planned my boss's sisters wedding. it turned out amazing. 150 happy guests.

- i went to Texas for literally less than 24 hours last week for the Semi Finals of the Gold Cup. USA won and we had box seats! couldn't have worked out more perfectly! OH and i got to see Meghann and her hubby Jason!!

- cheese that looks like it's ice cream could be the best idea ever. paired with wine, and you've got my perfect meal. i literally wanted to buy the platter (s) below.

- a group of us went to the Gold Cup Final at the Rose Bowl last weekend!! 93,000 fans showed up and were ready to yell.

(Note to self: you shouldn't play a 3 v 3 pick up game with all mexican men while tailgating with a beer in hand. i was sweaty. but our team dominated.)

-last night i went to Rihanna with my roommates and 4th roommate amber. rihanna KILLED it. VIP seating. thankyouverymuch. i forgot how much i LOVE her music.

- i have been getting back into my routine of gym + me time. it's literally pitch black most days i am working out. i sold my soul but haven't regretted it yet. and those showers, who has Kiehls products at a gym? obsessed.

- i just love my bestie so much. i hope everyone has a friend like her.

- how could you NOT love this face? CoCo literally sits her butt on the stairs and her paws on another. i die of cuteness overload.

- i have been getting REALLY good at Words with Friends (WWF for all you cool people.) add me if you dare - JKRO1

-i've learned not to tell people "please contact me after this date since we are holding off on all scheduling right now" regarding work stuff. literally on "that date" i received 400 emails. cool.

-if you need a cake for ANYTHING please visit my friends website. she is a GENIUS. (http://www.friskywhiskbakery.com/)

-i need a new camera apparently since my iphone isn't cutting it. suggestions? blogging friends, what camera do you use? i know they are fancy!!

-this was the longest brain dump ever. i promise i won't wait so long to blog next time.

- i hope you all have wonderful plans for the 4th of July. i know i do!

-speaking of july. REALLY June?! where did you go!??