Friday, August 6, 2010

home is where the heart is.

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i can't stop crying.
when i wake up,
middle of the day,
in the
grocery store,
on a
going to
i'm a mess.

it hit me really hard this week.
maybe because it is starting to feel real?
or maybe because it's been the hardest year without him...
and i can't imagine having to do this year after year after year.
all the birthdays, holidays, celebrations.
it's never right anymore.
my life is different now.
i'm coming to terms with this.
it is a hard realization that we have all lost someone so great.
everyone's life went back to their routine.
and yet, 1 year later...
i am just as devastated as the day my mom told me the news.
how do you ever get over this?
how do you ever start feeling like this is your life now.
losing someone is the hardest thing you can deal with.
losing your father and your best friend is heart numbing.

i just want my dad tonight.
just for one night.
just to talk.
swap stories.

god, for all those nights him and i stayed up talking about life.
i would give anything for that.

i miss him terribly.
heading home today to spend 5 days celebrating and honoring his life.
please send prayers to heaven on Monday.
i need it.
my family needs it.
anyone that has ever met him needs it.

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