Sunday, November 28, 2010

thankful & saddened.

hello loves.
i took a little vacation from the blogging world, and also got to spend some much needed time with my momma and brother.

i had every intention of writing today on how amazing of a time i had (which i did, of course have the best time) and how many fun things we did (which was more than i can count) and of course share a bunch of great photos with you all (it will have to wait since my dell has virus galore on it).

but i am sorry if this one is a downer, ya know, that's life. and it's my blog. and i can talk or not talk about whatever i want.

well, i found out today that a family dear to my heart lost their father. i don't know why this hit me so hard. (i do know why, but i just lost it) it saddens me hearing about someone who died, especially about dads. whether i know them or not, it just brings me back to the day where i found out about my dad.

the three months or so following my dads passing is a blur, but that day and the 5 days leading up to that day, are crystal clear. sometimes i wish those were a blur too.

did i tell him i loved him enough?
did i hug him hard enough?
did i let him know he was the greatest?

people always say it gets easier....
the truth is, it never does.
the older i get and the more i experience, the more i am sad i can't run to my dad to tell him.
or call him at 5am to let him know any news i have!

i swear i am okay, then the next i am on the floor and feel like it's happening all over again.

the holidays are so bittersweet.
the noise level is just not as high as it use to be.
i miss it.

i love my family, my friends, my career, my health....
but nothing can ever replace him.

i'm just having an "off" moment. (maybe it's the wine?) either way, i am allowed.

i just want to thank you to my blog family for supporting me everyday through my journey.
i will always have "the best days" or "not so good days" but no matter what i know i will be okay.

i am thankful for the life i live.... but i am also saddened by the lives we lose much too soon.

tell the ones you love, you love them ever so much.
please. do so.

i just needed to vent a little.... and well, i am an open book so here i am.

tomorrow i will be back to my happy self.
i am after all, a fighter.

see you tomorrow for some cheerful-ness.
and lots of fun updates.


No comments: